Runaway Midget
by massey
Summary: IchiRuki. What would Ichigo do if his midget of a girlfriend suddenly went back to seireitei leaving only a deranged note? Madness, Randomness, R&R!


**Runaway Midget**

Chapter 1

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Ichigo Kurosaki, Substitute Shinigami. He, who feared no hollow, was running for his dear life. Oh yeah, he would definitely choose a horde gillians, scratch that, even vasto lordes, over the impending doom awaiting him.

"Damn, that midget better not do something stupid." Ichigo muttered to himself as he dashed at top speed to Urahara's shop.

God, how did his beautiful and peaceful day turns out like this? He always came empty-handed no matter how much he exhausted himself to comprehend a well-reasoned explanation for this insanity. Worst of all, it involved his _girlfriend._ Yes, after months of lame reticence and denial, Ichigo has finally asked Rukia Kuchiki out.

It was a bit awkward at first, considering the fact that they both lived under the same roof. But as soon as the revelation reached a certain noble's ears, Rukia was immediately pulled out of the Kurosaki household and was given an apartment of her own, with a servant to live with of course.

"I will not have you taint the innocence of my younger sister, _kozo. _I may not be bodily present but I would definitely know. One immoral move and you would never again see pink the way you behold it now. " Byakuya uttered quietly to Ichigo as Rukia finished settling in her new residence.

Impossible may have been an understatement with the 6th squad taichou so simply acknowledging the relationship without bloodshed. Especially with his red-head fukutaichou breathing on his neck, cautioning him of acts the orange-haired shinigami daikou _will _do to the kenseikan-wearing captain's precious imoto_._

Ichigo even braced himself for another seireitei invasion in case Byakuya decided to lock Rukia up in that cursed Kuchiki manor. But no, the ever so expressionless captain merely showed up in the human world to inform them of Rukia's immediate living quarters transfer. No clash whatsoever. But hey, you won't see Ichigo complaining.

Many did not believe that the affair would work out. Not with the constant bickering and disagreements between the two. Unknown to others, those are simply not so subtle ways of expressing affection for each other. They enjoyed their partner's company. Sure they argued, but by the end of the day, they always know that the other will be waiting with arms wide open.

Which brought Ichigo back to his current predicament. He was so close to pulling his own hair out in frustration. Why? How? What has he done to land in this dilemma? He woke up with a searing headache and a crazy note from Rukia, saying that she'll be returning to Seireitei, that he should never even think of following her, and something along the lines of 'kill' 'murder' and 'die', though not particularly in that order. The said note was even accompanied by a rather horrible drawing of a hanged bunny with suspiciously spiky hair.

He didn't even bother acknowledge himself as he allowed himself to push inside the familiar shouten shouting at the top of his lungs.

"Urahara! If you know what's good for you, get your butt out of here! Now!"

Not a minute passed when a dirty blond man in green cloak with white-and-green striped hat sporting a cane motioned towards Ichigo. His sandals clicked on the wooden floor as he fanned himself.

"My, my, Kurosaki-kun. A little impatient today, aren't we? What can I do for you today?" Urahara asked the evidently tense man.

"It's about Rukia —"

"Ooo, did Kuchiki-san like the _toys_ you have bought from me last week? Did you —" The shopkeeper started with a knowing Mona-Lisa smile on his face, but was immediately cut short by Ichigo.

"NO! That's not —"

"Oh? Then I'll grab this opportunity to inform you that we had a shipment of fun flavored _gloves_ this week. I'm sure Kuchicki—"

"NO! Will you at least let me finish? And I would greatly appreciate it if you'd shut your trap with regards to my sex life!" Ichigo exasperatedly muttered to Urahara. His face flushed with either anger, embarrassment, or both.

"No need to worry Kurosaki-kun, my helpers are out for an errand today. You don't need to worry about anyone overhearing about your active uhh.. conquest." Kisuke Urahara teasingly added as he eyed Ichigo turned a few shades of red darker.

"Damn it Urahara!"

"I would also like to remind you that confidentiality is assured for my customers' purchases. Now, how about that merchandise I was telling you about? I would consider giving you a discount if you and Kuchiki-san would buy a pack of —"

"You pervert! Shut up for a minute! I need your help for something." Ichigo breathed deeply as he forced himself to calm down. Losing his temper was out of the question now that he desperately required Urahara's help.

"What? Are you having any problems in bed? Are you not properly pleasing Kuchiki-san? Are you always alone in reaching nirvana? Oh my! Then I have this wonderful book—" The former 12th squad captain continuously questioned.

"URAHARA! Let me rephrase that statement. I need help for something _else._" The doubtlessly furious shinigami representative bellowed at the still fanning shopkeeper, intent to slaughter evident in his amber eyes, all thoughts about calming down forgotten.

"Now now Kurosaki-kun, I would forever be thankful if you won't release your BanKai in my humble shop. Surely Kuchiki-san won't be happy knowing you're strutting around showing someone else your _bankai._" The still oblivious, or so he appears, shopkeeper provoked further.

Ichigo, with eyes closed for some futile attempt to cool down, stepped closer to Urahara. "Cut me some slack and stop the innuendos, _please_."

"See? The magic word is please. You should've said it from the start. Now let's hear it." Urahara declared as he closed his fan.

"Wa? Nevermind. Rukia went to seireitei and now I should follow her." Ichigo quickly answered, now glad that the suffocating madness if over.

"What happened? Did she finally knock her head hard and saw the truth and left you?"

Or not.

"Damn you! I don't know what happened; all she left me was a deranged note." Ichigo said as he handed the piece of paper to Urahara.

"You know I was only kidding Kurosaki-kun. I know you two are meant for each other." The shopkeeper started as he unfolded the sheet. His eyes bulged and watered as he held back his snickers. "But I'm not so sure now."

"You need to help me—"

"Of course I would! Anything for my most valued customer! Now follow me." Urahara said as he motioned for his basement.

'_This could be entertaining'_, the shopkeeper thought to himself as he readied the portal to Soul Society.

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**A/N: **My first attempt for an IchiRuki story. First ever fic! This was supposed to be a one-shot but meh, whatever goes Please review.


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